So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
