What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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