I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Drake has all the answers
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
