addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
