Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
