U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He has the fingertips of a God
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