Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You took a bar mat shot.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
