Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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