My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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