Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
