nut hugger
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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