matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
