wanna go halves on a baby?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I want a musical about memes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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