Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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