i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
