About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Congratulations! We have a period
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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