I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
sex in a hospital.. check
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
