Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
