good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize