At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
