No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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