She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
