i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize