Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
