i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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