If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
