Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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