I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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