Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
