They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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