Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize