My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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