Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
