I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
