um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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