thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize