My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
