i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
