I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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