Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
