like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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