It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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