He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
