ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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