I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Randomize
