Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
