Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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