we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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