i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
