i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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