My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Will exercising make me less horny?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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