if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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