U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Mom said you looked used
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
