he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
