Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
