we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Your shirt... Was in my pants
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
