I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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