tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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