Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
