his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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