You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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