Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
