the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
