the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
