you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
