I puked a lego.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
