we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
