I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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